I never really understood the term “the birds and the bees.” Apparently, it’s some important conversation mommy and daddy are supposed to have with you when they sit you down and explain to you the repercussions of having sex. Well, I’ve been having sex for quite some time now, and by the grace of God and benefit to the rest of society, I somehow have not been able to reproduce.

We were taught what sex should be according to what mainstream society says. In porn, we continue to be taught what sex should physically look like when it comes to the submissive and dominant characters that the actors play. Could it be that when we are looking for our partners in a homosexual relationship, this formula may not apply? Furthermore, how does it play a role when it comes to our preferred sexual position and reflection on the way we operate in everyday life?

Too many of us are not aware of how far-fetched our understanding of how the male on male sex act comes together until our twenties. Even with dating, we don’t experience the sexual labels of “top” and “bottom” that came with the “do’s and don’ts” in the bedroom. For most of us, two men and their two penises got the best of both worlds. But just like a child outgrowing visits from Santa Claus, what happens when reality strikes and the mere act of sexual intercourse between two men is far more complex than what are prepared for?

Sexual roles apparently trickled into how men operated and treated each other in everyday life. It was assumed that from what we wear, how we conduct ourselves, the scale of flamboyant behavior, and even height seemed to oddly align with whether we identified as a top or a bottom. But that’s not the case at all. The spectrum of feminine and masculine behaviors and appearance really has nothing to do with what one may enjoy during midnight playtime. Tops come in all shapes and sizes (no pun intended) and the same for bottoms. So why did we tend to paint a heterosexual narrative on a homosexual situation?

4 Comments Add yours

  1. renudepride says:

    I think one of the overwhelming reasons for this convoluted behavior is that as same gender loving and/or bisexual men, we are so immersed into what opposite gender loving couples do that we transfer these roles into our own sexual dynamics without realizing that we are the only ones who can write our own norms without having to rely/depend on the so-called models or constraints of others. Until we liberate ourselves from this misrepresentation, most of us will probably never be happy or sexually satisfied. Naked hugs!


  2. warxndr says:

    I have an opposing view on this subject and I am honestly a bit annoyed by it. This whole belief that gays are trying to be heteronormative by giving into the top/bottom roles is, to me, VERS Elitism. In the end, its really just SHAMING those are actually may ONLY like/comfortable with bottoming or topping. Too many times I’ve seen other paint the picture that strict tops/bottoms are boring and limiting one’s self. Its alienation. Its turning sexual perference into classism.

    If we REALLY have a problem with what is heteronormative in the gay community, lets discuss misogny and the way gays use it as a weapon the way straight men use it towards women. You know, something that actually IS harmful. The fem vs masc is just ONE of the biggest harmful things that result directly from straight society’s value of masculinity over femininity. Lets discuss that. Bottoms are treated as though they are at the bottom of the totem pole, because they are seen as property like straight men view women. Lets discuss rather than shaming that same bottom for only liking to bottom.

    BUT if someome actually only wants to (only) top or bottom, to me, it has nothing to do with trying to be heteronormative.

    I really just think its just a bunch of “vers” gay men who are full of their selves and quick to try to speak for the WHOLE community. Well everyone isnt vers and thats okay.


  3. warxndr says:

    Hold up. I think I missed the point. This a different subject? Ha. Nevermind. *saves for later*


  4. pdq says:

    Whoever thinks that bottoms are “fem” or somehow less than they are clearly haven’t bottomed much. In my lifetime I’ve serviced some pretty big d*cks, taken some big toys, and taken on groups of tops. I’m as much, if not more of a man than many who would denigrate me.

    When having sex I have a job to do – I service my partner(s). I perform it well (I’m told) and I do it enthusiastically. I don’t need little blue or purple pills to be a man and do MY job….ahem…. Servicing a top gives me all of the “oomph” I need to maintain a sufficient level of excitement, if you follow my drift.

    Liked by 1 person

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