Wondering if your partner is cheating on you can be the worst feeling ever. Being suspicious, not sure and fretful are not healthy ways to be in a relationship. So, how can you know for certain whether or not your partner is cheating on you?
1. He is hiding things from you
If you’ve had the kind of relationship where you share everything and suddenly he’s keeping secrets from you, this is not a good sign.
(Unless you have a birthday coming up—he may be planning a surprise party.) Does he hide his phone, return texts out of the room, quickly close the computer when you walk in the room and when you ask who he’s texting, he says, “nobody?” These are signs he is hiding something from you. It may not be cheating, but it’s probably a sign that something is not going right.
2. His interest in sex has changed
Many times when someone is cheating and having sex with someone else, his interest in sex wanes. He turns you down and doesn’t seem interested in sex or intimacy at all. But for other people, their interest in sex increases. One sign of cheating might be that he wants to bring new and different thing into the bedroom that you’ve never talked about before. (This may indeed be a wonderful thing, and not a sign of cheating at all, but in the presence of some of the other signs, it could indicate he is gaining sexual experience outside of your own bedroom in the arms of someone else.) Any kind of odd or sudden change in one’s sexual appetite is reason for concern, whether or not that person is cheating is not certain.
3. He is overly defensive
When someone is being unfaithful, that can cause a lot of guilt. In order to deflect that guilt, they turn those feelings outward and start blaming someone else for things. If your boyfriend is starting to pick fights with you and blame you for random things, it might be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may even, out of the blue, accuse you of having an affair to take the attention off of his infidelity. Or he may accuse you of being overly jealous when you ask a simple question about why he got home so late.
4. He is suddenly super busy and has no time for you
You spend every Sunday together. It’s your unspoken thing. Suddenly, he’s got plans to go shopping with a friend on Sunday and by the way, Saturday and Wednesday are taken too. Being busy is not always a sign of cheating, in fact, outside interests and friends are a good and healthy thing for a relationship, but this kind of busy is new and unusual and leaves you out. Not good.
5. He’s lost a lot of weight, upgraded his wardrobe or changed his look
If he’s been on a fitness kick and you’ve had his back and been supportive every step of the way, then he is probably not cheating. But if you notice that he’s paying way more attention to his appearance than normal, gets a new haircut, a different style of clothes and changes his look, he may be trying to impress someone other than you.
6. He makes it a point to let you know he’s unhappy
If he sat you down to let you know he’s unhappy with the relationship and wants a change, it may be a sign from him that he’s met someone else who is bringing him the kind of joy and excitement he wishes he were getting from you. If your partner sits you down and expresses his displeasure with your current relationship, it might be a sign he is cheating. It may just be his expressing his unhappiness. Either way, getting yourselves into some good couple’s counseling is probably a great idea.
7. He has large gaps of unaccounted for time
He hasn’t returned for texts for five hours for the third time this month, when normally he has her phone visible at all times. When asked, he comes up with lame excuses, like he left it at the gym or her phone died, when you know he has a charger in his car and at his desk. One or two of these lapses can be just a coincidence, but if it becomes a pattern, it might be time to confront your partner about your suspicions.
If one or more of these 7 signs of cheating are present, it’s time to confront your boyfriend or hubby–especially if your gut is telling you something is off. You don’t have to outright come out and accuse him of cheating, but it maybe be good to have a conversation about your relationship, what’s working and what’s not and what can be done to change things. It can be a difficult conversation to have and he may not own up to cheating if he is, but often opening up the topic for conversation can get to the root of the issue and you can begin the hard work of healing or the hard work of breaking up.