Life-changing moments don’t happen often but when they do they feel surreal and if you are like me who didn’t get a chance to “come out,” you know your world can fall.
Looking back I guess I still wish that I had the opportunity to come out to my family, instead that option was taken from me and it took years of battling confusion, hate & ignorance to get a place where I completely and fully love myself.
Time has given me the opportunity to sit down and explore my emotions that I would have honestly pushed aside. Emotions that left in the dark would have manifested themselves into something destructive.
And with ups there have to be downs. My biggest down was when things got physical with my uncle and I lost my job for being a gay man. I felt trapped, I felt the need to portray this image of being okay when I just wanted to end my life. I remember getting very upset because all I wanted to do was scream ‘I am not coping with this’ but felt that I couldn’t because I wanted to be here for my niece, I couldn’t stand the thought of her being told that your uncle killed himself because he was gay. I couldn’t let her down.
I know that there’s no manual to follow when you are attracted to the same sex. We all act and react differently, however we all go through the same emotions and struggles at one point or another. My aim on days like today, is to talk about these openly so more people can understand what it’s like. It has by no means been easy but I am pretty proud that I am living my life as a gay man.
If the option to “come out” has been taken away from you, I have the utmost respect, love and compassion for you. The best piece of advice I have would be this: Make peace with yourself and what has happened, tell it how it is and be extremely proud that who you are will make a difference.