You’re at home, pants wrapped around your ankles, sweat on your brow. You’re hunched over. Breathing hard. Every place you touch yourself feels incredible. Your whole body is telling you that your balls need to unload and doing it alone would be terrible, a waste, a crime against the amazing sex you know you could give to the world. You need to be pressed against someone, their tongue exploring you. Your nipples harden. If only the right body was with you that very second.
You open your sex app and the man that can satisfy your appetite is free, his nips are out and his abs are tight. This is the one. You send pics. He does the same and he’s hung like a donkey that’s genetically mutated for deep cave exploration. This is the one. Location sent.
What occurs next is hopefully a pleasant time spent in the company of a potential new gentleman friend. But what if it goes wrong? How can you keep yourself safe?
Here’s a list of what you really should do before bumping uglies with that guy that’s just 2,450 sweet feet away.
1 – DON’T OVERSHARE
Be careful not to tell someone too much about yourself (where you live, work, go to uni, your last name). We live in a digital age where you can be easily found. There have been many cases where gay men have shared too much only for that information to be used to find them.
2 – PICTURES
Make sure he has something beyond the pecs and abs. Make sure they are of him and not an insta-celebrity. If he only sends one photo and won’t supply any more, get those alarm bells ringing. Chances are it’s not him and you are either being catfished or being targeted by someone looking to do some damage.
3 – GET A PHONE NUMBER
The phone number is powerful. You can Facebook stalk someone with a phone number. You can even go old school and call that person and actually hear their human voice. Phone numbers can also be traced if your body is found next to a river with your intestines pulled through your mouth (that’s a little graphic – but you get the picture).
4- CRAZY TALK
Here are some key things to look out for:
“Hello Dave” – if he knows your name before you know his face, this is a deal breaker.
“You’re the guy who works at…” Stalker, much?
“I just want a boyfriend. Will you be my boyfriend?”
‘Crazy talk’ is tricky to spot. But if he’s acting irrationally or over-the-top with his comments then it’s best to block and move on.
5 – TELL SOMEONE
It’s good to let someone know where you’re going. You don’t have to go into detail and it’s possibly best if you choose a pal or housemate rather than your mum. If you’ve got a friend who’s happy to get the odd text of a random location in Greenwich and will happily drop you a text at 2 in the morning to make sure you’re not dead, then they’re a keeper.
6 – MEET UP IN PUBLIC
If he suggests meeting in a alleyway somewhere in the rough end of town then it’s best to say no. The best place to meet is where there are a lot of people walking by – shopping centres, pubs, busy streets. If he suggests the park, make an alternative suggeston. Chances are if he’s a ‘real person’ then he won’t mind meeting on a busy street.
7 – TRY NOT TO SHOW UP HIGH OR DRUNK
Control yourself, you horny beast. You might plan on getting wasted on drugs, alcohol and cock but don’t get the party started early. Stay in control of the situation from the start and you’re more likely to get out of it alive.
8 – GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCT
If your brain is telling you something different from what your cock is saying then listen to it. The horn can be powerful at times but if he seems ‘too good to be true’ then he probably is. ‘Real people’ will come across as natural, easy to talk to, will send more then one face pic and will have no problem meeting in a public place. If he does not do any of the above then listen to your gut and say no.
9 – REPORT ANY ATTACKS OR THREATS
If you are unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of any verbal or physical attacks, or if you receive any threats then you should report them. If you are in fear of your life at any point call, the police. You will not be the first person this has happened to and they will know how to deal with it in a sensitive manner. If you feel uncomfortable with talking to the police then call Galop or LGBT Switchboard. They will have trained people who can help you through any attacks or threats.
Remember your safety should always come before being horny, lonely or looking for love. Too many gay men think “it’ll never happen to me” but homophobic attacks through apps are on the increase. Be careful.