31784727_225239928226491_5128859123781206016_n_225239924893158Can you love someone but fuck another guy?

The answers to  such a question would be mixed, with some calling gay men in open relationships greedy and selfish while others will say it’s up to people in relationships to define what their relationships are. Whether you think being in open to open relationships comes with age and experience this subject isn’t so black and white.

Why does someone else’s personal relationship get you so angry? Why does the idea of two grown men developing a relationship that suits their needs make you feel the need to tell them their relationship is not ‘a real relationship’?

Now many would argue that someone’s anger towards gay men in open relationships is probably a reflection on themselves, their insecurities, age or experience. That’s not for me to state. However I feel the time is right for us, as a community, to have an (excuse the pun) open and honest conversation about open relationships. To break down the stigma attached to them we need to explore and educate.

 And why do we need to educate? We have heard from so many gay men, over and over again, that they thought they were in an monogamous relationship only to find that their partner has passed on an STI or HIV to them. 

If we can break down the stigma and stereotyping of open relationships, then gay men who are in monogamous relationships and may be thinking about having sex with someone who is not their partner, might be more open to having an honest talk with their partner about their needs and desires. If you are so anti-open relationships but your partner is not feeling the same way, do you think he’s going to discuss something like this with you?

Think about it.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. galby68 says:

    I get the backlash around open relationships. I think they are valid, but that doesn’t mean that every open relationship that drops itself in my pathway – much like Vegans or Ivy League graduates – is necessarily valid. In short, I think there’s a lot of broken security relationships that are open until one of them finds their next “The One” and moves on.
    That said, that’s not what bothers me, what bothers me is the sense of entitlement these open relationships bring into gay culture…and what behaviors that presence breeds. Plus, it distracts single guys from achieving their own relationship goals by distracting them with lesser, only momentarily available options.


  2. renudepride says:

    In all relationships, gay, straight, open, closed, whatever, their are often criticisms and judgments from peers within the same community. Perhaps this is a part of “human nature.” Xenophobia is a characteristic of our society so that those with alternative inclinations are frequently judged in a negative perspective. This is the reality of life. Nice posting! 🙂 Naked hugs!


  3. Brion says:

    Perhaps the communication is poor and there is a sense of distrust because of what happened during childhood.Black children are more likely to experience broken homes due to one of the parents leaving while they are young. “Open relationships” remind them – at least subconsciously – of someone who cheated in their parents relationship. PTSD does not disappear simply because one ages. And childhood trauma is rife with PTSD episodes for the disenfranchised.


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