So all of us who aren’t living with our partners during this time have to live in a world like a couple of high school sweethearts who swore they’d make it work in college. We’re utilizing our phones by calling, texting, and even video chatting with one another. Of course, we’re keeping in touch for everyday things, but we’re also having to utilize those wonderful video chats for the sex. Yes, while talking over the phone and sexting can be thrilling, some of us need moving visuals to get the blood pumping. Here’s the thing though, video chats can have a variety of mood killers and we’re here to warn you just so you don’t get caught in between a boner and a buzzkill.
Filters are fucking fantastic when you’re Snapchatting with your besties, or when you want to snap a cute picture at brunch. However, they have absolutely no place in the sex realm. No, not happening. I mean, by now you should have all seen the hilarious (but horrifying) boss who turned themselves into a potato during a meeting. While that would have been the best meeting of all of our lives, can you imagine getting ready to stroke it in front of your partner and then they’re a fucking potato? Yeah, so make sure to avoid all those funky filters, and save them for a later, non-sexual time.
A recurring plot in so many sitcoms as of late have involved watching porn, and it being broadcast to the rest of the house, apartment, etc. because your device was connected to the main Bluetooth. Can you imagine getting your freak on only to find out all of your roommates were listening, or even worse…your entire family? You would then have to endure a few awkward meals to get past the literal freak show you gave everyone.
PETS ASIDE PLEASE
Our furry family members are precious gifts from the heavens above, but they don’t belong anywhere near us when we’re ready to bust. So many people talk about cats and puppers walking in the background of business meetings, and that’s never a problem because it’s cute, but you don’t want Fido jumping on your lap when you’re rubbing yourself down. Not only that but whoever you’re sexing up will definitely lose focus and want nothing more to do with you because hello, no one can deny the cuteness of a pet.
LOCK YOUR DOOR
Just like when you were a youth and discovering yourself and all the wonders of masturbation, the same goes for video sex. If you live with anyone, make sure you have a lock on your bedroom door and that it’s working properly before you set up the sex shop and are ready to get down and dirty in front of the screen. Nothing kills the mood more than someone walking in, screaming, “What the fuck?!” and then slamming the door. Trust.
CHECK YOUR SPEEDS
This one is coming from the tech geek that lives inside of us, but it’s important to mention. We are far from the days of dial-up internet. So when you set up a video chat, it better be running like Gaga fans to her defense anytime someone says one negative thing about the singer online. While all of the above are horrible mood killers, nothing beats the reality of a video constantly lagging, and both of you having to repeat “You still there?” So just make sure you’re working with a connection that is ready to work it, so you can then jerk it without your partner losing sight.