In a penetration-obsessed sexual culture, who’s a “top” and who’s a “bottom” becomes a deal breaker, cock-blocking far too many potentially amazing partners. This massive loss of potentially good sex occurs because we reduce sex down to just penetration. But when you expand and open up sex, you become compatible with almost everyone, top or bottom.

Do you think “I’m a top or bottom only” crowd lacks an understanding of the ways to keep arousal high and sex hot and sustainable? Our entire body has the ability to get us off, and penetrative sex not only bypasses a lot of erogenous zones but also ways to build intimacy and connect. 

I know that many of us are raised to have shame around our bodies, especially our genitals, and we are trained to avoid exploring pleasure all over our body, but when homophobia and toxic masculinity gets in our heads before we can hit the bed, it brings a lot of unnecessary anxiety about our bodies and the roles we play.

Is the role you play during sex really just about pleasure or is it something else?