THE THINGS I WISH WE KNEW ABOUT SEX (BEFORE WE STARTED DOING IT)

104752752_275995383472837_7186350707923662812_nIt’s kind of strange to think about sex and how simple it all is, isn’t it? Do you remember fantasizing about being kissed before it actually happened, but didn’t spend much time thinking about intercourse before you started having it? Isn’t it strange how all of a sudden you become a man who is actively having sex? It’s not like anyone gave you a talk about what to expect, in depth. Did anyone tell you that it takes a while before you’re comfortable having sex? Here are a few things no one tells us gay men about sex…

Having sex without any accompanying music to drown out the sounds you and whoever you’re doing it with will inevitably make.

No one tells us that there is a real difference between doing it with the lights on and doing it with the lights off.

No one tells us that though you might feel physically different, no one can tell that you had sex.

 No one told us that that you get tired sometimes, and sweaty sometimes, and your partner does too.

No one told us that sometimes if you aren’t entirely comfortable with someone, you notice all their physical flaws while they’re inside you. I wasn’t aware until it happened that during sex you can notice the way someone’s skin isn’t perfect everywhere, and you can notice the way their nails feel kind of uncomfortable when they grip your bare shoulders.

No one warns us that at its core, having sex is something that you kind of know how to do naturally, but that also, at its core, sex can be something that you can kind of be really bad at.

No one tells us that sometimes you’re just not going to have a rhythm with someone, and you’re going to notice the way that your hips and their hips always seem to be going in opposite directions and its going to be frustrating, and it’s going to make you want to stop moving your hips at all.

 No one tells you that sometimes you’re going to be with someone and you’re going to start kissing and your body is going to push you into them in a way that makes you feel like immediately taking off all your clothes, but you can’t do that, because you’re in public.

No one tells us that once we start having sex, really having sex, with someone on the regular, that we are going to want to do it all the time, and everywhere. I wasn’t aware that after, I was going to feel both accomplished and dirty at the same time.

I wish someone had told us sooner that sometimes you’re going to be in the exact right situation to have sex, but that you aren’t going to want to, despite everything. That sometimes you can be in the middle of things, but then all of a sudden you’re going to wish you weren’t doing it anymore, and your body will betray you and make that known.

I wish that someone had warned us that sometimes you won’t want to have sex to begin with, but that sometimes you’re so young and so naive that you end up doing it anyway, and you will wake up in the morning and wish things hadn’t happened the way that they did. Sometimes it’s going to hurt, and it’s going to hurt in a way that is specific and new and especially uncomfortable.

 I wish someone had warned us that having sex with someone doesn’t always make you dependent on them, but sometimes it does, and sometimes it does so fiercely. And sometimes it makes you skip work.

 I wish someone had told us that people don’t always expect sex from you, but when they do, things get uncomfortable very quickly when you refuse to give it to them.

No one told us that putting on condoms can be distracting but also extremely sexy and that we have to figure out that on our own.

I’m glad that no one told us that sometimes having sex can make you feel like you’ve been transported, briefly, to another dimension, and that sometimes just kissing someone can make you feel like you’ve disappeared until all of a sudden you remember that you’re a creature that must breathe and therefore must surface for air.

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