I never really understood the term “the birds and the bees.” Apparently, it’s some important conversation mommy and daddy are supposed to have with you when they sit you down and explain to you the repercussions of having sex. Well, I’ve been having sex for quite some time now, and by the grace of God and benefit to the rest of society, I somehow have not been able to reproduce.

We were taught what sex should be according to what mainstream society says. In porn, we continue to be taught what sex should physically look like when it comes to the submissive and dominant characters that the actors play. Could it be that when we are looking for our partners in a homosexual relationship, this formula may not apply? Furthermore, how does it play a role when it comes to our preferred sexual position and reflection on the way we operate in everyday life?

Too many of us are not aware of how far-fetched our understanding of how the male on male sex act comes together until our twenties. Even with dating, we don’t experience the sexual labels of “top” and “bottom” that came with the “do’s and don’ts” in the bedroom. For most of us, two men and their two penises got the best of both worlds. But just like a child outgrowing visits from Santa Claus, what happens when reality strikes and the mere act of sexual intercourse between two men is far more complex than what are prepared for?

Sexual roles apparently trickled into how men operated and treated each other in everyday life. It was assumed that from what we wear, how we conduct ourselves, the scale of flamboyant behavior, and even height seemed to oddly align with whether we identified as a top or a bottom. But that’s not the case at all. The spectrum of feminine and masculine behaviors and appearance really has nothing to do with what one may enjoy during midnight playtime. Tops come in all shapes and sizes (no pun intended) and the same for bottoms. So why did we tend to paint a heterosexual narrative on a homosexual situation?

4 Comments Add yours

  1. galby68 says:

    I think part of it is growing up in a society that is conditioned to label things. Add to that, a subculture that is very label/brand conscious – right down to their personal “brand” – and it just amplified the habit.
    It’s really all just validations and judgments, y’know?


  2. Ramal says:

    I appreciate this post for many reasons. This conversation does not happen enough. Personally it’s a struggle for me to find the right person who shares my same view when it comes to sexual roles, labels, etc. I say to hell with all of that s*** and let spirit lead you. When you have the right person none of this will no longer matter, well in my opinion.


  3. nubianikigai says:

    I like to savour my reading, Gaytekeepers is great soulfood. I think the answer to this question: So why did we tend to paint a heterosexual narrative on a homosexual situation? lies in the fact that biblical heteroseuality is the ONLY reference ANYONE has for living in general. We swear on the bible in a court of law, we were taught scripture even as slaves, for the most part, and myself included, we grew up in chuch and above all we learned to fear GOD. Fearing GOD means walking down the straight and narrow. We were taught about heaven and hell, Sodom and Gomorra. As far as norms are concerned nowhere do homosexuals have references, let alone standards and codes of conduct. In no way are we to be blamed for trying to cope, just coping with our feels, not disappointing our families, being a good worker and at the same time concealing our gay nature in order to keep our jobs. I firmly believe that as LGBTQI people, we’re in the middle of (re)writing the nrratives. Of course, we’ll have to make edits and cuts as we go along. But I’m very proud of the strides we have been making on the whole as a community. I am so happy to be alive to witness all this unfolding before my very eyes.
    We are making our own rules and setting our own standards.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always love how deep you go with your comments 👍🏽


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