I never planned to date a guy in an open relationship. It wasn’t that I was so gung-ho on monogamy, I just figured it wasn’t for me. I’m too jealous, can be needy and didn’t like the idea of being shared. Besides, everyone I knew growing up was monogamous. My parents. My grandparents. Their friends and so on.
Now, however, I find myself dating men in open and/or polyamorous relationships. So I was banging man after man. I even started dating some guys both of whom wanted to be monogamous. When I rejected them it brought them to tears.
I realized then that my sex/dating rampage was actually hurting people, so I needed to cool it and not date at all. Just keep having sex and not getting attached. The thing is the men that I hurt still bothers me and I can’t seem to shake them.
Why is it so hard to have open relationships with other men?
Yes I HAVE ON BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM. I AM A 1ON 1 TYPE OF GUY AND DON’T BELIEVE IN SHARING, HOWEVER I DO BELIEVE THAT MEN JUST WANT IT ALL AND THAT’S WHY SO MANY FAILED RELATIONSHIPS ENDS UP BEING ON THE OPEN MARKET WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO SHARE THEIR SPOUSE.( IF THAT MAKES SENSE)
IT’S MIND BOGGLING TO ME WHEN I HEAR COUPLES SAY OF WHAT THEY WILL ALLOW WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
I CAN’T SHARE
I’M VERY TERRITORIAL
AND I LOVE TO HARD TO GIVE MYSELF AWAY TO ANYONE WHO I’M NOT ATTRACTED TO OR INVOLVED WITH.
IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY. DON’T STEP OUTSIDE OF WHAT YOU 2 BUILT TOGETHER; AND IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO DO SO THEN BREAK UP!!
LOVE IS AS LOVE DOES AND LOVE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT
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Love this comment 👍🏽
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It’s impossible to be monotonous and be realistic with it in today’s 🌎 as I see it . If you think so then you are foolish Men cheat that’s just it. So just be real about it. Guys will at some point want to venture out to have sex with someone else .I would never put myself in relationship where I couldn’t see other people
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When I was a younger LGBT/SGL I too had a sex/date rampage. I first became sexually active at around 22 so I think that maybe I was trying to make up for lost time. At first it wasn’t my intention to be running around and screwing every guy on the block. Far from it. My dream was to find me a guy and settle down with.
Now to my dismay, what I discovered hit me like a bomb shell. None of the guys I was having sex with wanted to settle down with me. They were all refusing me and turning me down. There’s no worse feeling than the feeling that comes after being rejected. A million and one questions goes off in your head as to why. So I inadvertently became more and more adventurous. I was hurt, I got over it, I wanted to settle they didn’t.
Now as an older person, I learned that being rejected and rejecting is ok. It’s a port of saying no. So those men did’t want me, or you didn’t want to have a monogomous relationship with those men. So what?! that does make you a monster or a selfish bitch…That’s your choice to make, I’v said no to a few guys in my lifetime as well. It bulids confidence, not that crushing people’s feelings is a nice thing to do, but having the courage in saying that “I’m not ready”, ” you’re not what i’m looking for” , this isn’t what I want right now”, “I just dont feel safe with you”, “I don’t trust you enough with my life and my future.”
Having wild sex isn’t as bad as it may seem provided that the parties involved both have an understanding of the stakes before hand and that may involve some level of honesty. I remember with great affection a guy who said ‘NO’ to me in the sweetest of ways- We were seeing each other on and off and i guess he saw that I was beginning to want more and he simply asked me if i was looking to be in a relationship with him. I said yes and he said, well “I’m not looking for a boyfiend.” He saved me the trauma of being dumped or cheated on at some later point. Some guys I no get with each other without knowing their partners to the extent they should in order for a solid and healthy monogomous relationship to work.
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