9cc5083e-2433-4e10-8c08-42955975f9a6My hookups go something like this, we talk on Grindr, he comes over, we get undressed and do the business.

‘Then the guy would make small talk as we both got dressed and leaves.

This makes me feel dirty and I even change the sheets and take a shower afterwards.

I brush my teeth and drink something that has tons of flavour to get rid of any taste whatsoever.

And then the next day I do it all over again.

Why do I feel such sadness, anxiety, agitation or aggression after sex.

Have you ever had to deal with this?

What are your thoughts?

What advice would you give this person?

One Comment Add yours

  1. nubianikigai says:

    This is a realy tough issue. The answers being as complexe as the questions themselves. Why do you repaeat self desctuctive behaviours time and time again when in the end you feel disgusted about it? In a way it sounds like any other complusive behaviour, like eating too much chocolate, fits of rage, and yes, sleeping with someone when deep down you probably did’nt want to.

    You’re mamma taught you well: “Always wash your hands!”. “Go take a shower!” “Go brush your teeth!”…”Cleanliness is next to Godliness!” Look at the bright side at least you’ ve not forgotten the priciples of hygiene. We ALL wash up after sex..so that said that now let’s get to the real issue, and let’s ask the question another way. What are you trying to clean off you? How do you feel dirty? How do the hookups make you feel dirty?

    I’ve definitely had to deal with what you’re going through, so I get. I feel your pain. I’ve felt dirty for a multitiude of reasons: Having to ask for sex has made me feel really dirty. Not being able to top during sex especially when it was something I was looking forward to. I’ve felt shame when I was looking forward to being pounded and the guy just wanted to jerk off. I’ve felt humiliated after asking to be loved on my birthday, and I got ‘pity’ sex. The guy wore two condoms, did’nt lube, did’nt make me cum and jacked off in a corner. Here I wish the earth would have just opened and swallowed me up! I wanted to die! I struggle with a lot on inner anger, regret and frustration for a long time

    Now, I’ve never used Grindr, but from what I know it’s the ‘Amazon’ of sex hookups. I compare to Amazon because on Amazon you can get anything you need from a pin to an anchor at a very reasonable price, and the return policy is excellent…not to mention their shipping and ‘handling’. I tend to feel dirty when I feel like “merchandise”. Not that there’s anything wrong with gay hook up sites but lets face it…your ‘re more often gonna be treated like merchadise…for some, that’s ok…If your’re someone looking for a quicky, or no stings attached sex, Grindr is perfect. That’s what it’s there for, I however doubt, that that is who YOU are.

    To get over my shame, I stopped treating myself as “meat” or merchadise and started having a little bit more self-respect. I started to set the bar a little higher, I started to be more choosey with my sex partners. Indeed it’s gonna mean less quantity but i guarantee there’s gonna be more quality.
    Start hanging out with people who share your kinks…”Birds of a feather”…I’m not into twinks..so sex with a twink is gonna leave a real bitter taste in my mouth, I’m gonna feel humilated afterwards, cause I don’t wanna be anyones ‘daddy’ and I most definitely don’t want to be constantly fighting against all my insecurities…did I perform well? was he satisifed? did he like me?

    So that may be what your’re try to wash off you…..The insecurities and the bad choices. Start looking for sex in other places….you may have your urges but personally I perfer to hunt for my dinner rather than ordering takeaway.

    Liked by 1 person

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