DHSx9GTWAAARJsyMy boyfriend wants to fuck me raw.

 Though he hasn’t said it yet, eventually he will. Right now, however, he is just a tapestry of hints and subtleties. He asks me if he can just put the head in. He says he just wants to loosen me before slipping on the condom. I flinch as he enters my skin its own flimsy fabric against his pulsating raw erection. I tell him, “That is enough. I am open now.” But he wants to know just how open I am willing to be.

I push him off of me. Ask him what’s his problem. Ask him if he has a death wish. I tell him, “I am not into that weird shit! You know what the fuck I got!” And the whole time I am talking about my body. I am talking about the absurdity of a man who would willingly place himself in a den of poison. He pauses, brushes the sweat from his brow and responds, “You have got to get over this. You know I’m taking PrEP, and your viral load is undetectable. It’s like impossible for you to infect me, babe.”

The first thing I was taught after being diagnosed with HIV was that I was no longer desirable. It was a lesson learned in segments. But this boy wants to fuck me just as raw as he wishes to love me and he isn’t the first. 

Yes he’s on PrEP, but isn’t enough to convince me I’m not a faulty grenade pin on the brink of decimating his life!

Do you think that I’m being paranoid?

Have you ever had to deal with this?

What are your thoughts?

What advice would you give this person?


4 Comments Add yours

  1. galby68 says:

    Sounds like more of an emotional issue to me. And I get it, after years or even decades of being considered “dirty” there’s now a pill that magically makes the taker “stain proof”…the science may back that analogy up, but there’s nothing less hot than someone who once rejected you because of HIV now coming onto you because “you’re safe now”.
    But if you gotta guy who met you after your diagnosis – he knows/loves the whole you, so I hope you can let go of those older injuries caused by others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I Iove this comment 👍🏽

      Liked by 1 person

  2. nubianikigai says:

    Hello. Here are my thoughts. I too am in a sero -different relationship. I get my check ups regularly and I am on medication. My partner is sero negative. He’d like to fuck me raw as well. What we do is that we go to the medical appointments together. We both ask the doctor questions about sex so we are both reassured. I understand both point of views. 1 you dont want to infect your partner and in the back of your mind their is this persistent risk of danger but rest assured you’re partner is right as well. if you’re undetectable, you wont transmit the virus. You’re partner is also showing how muwh he loves you by also taking PrEP. How many people would do that for some one else. It’s psycholical, but let him love you. He wants to. He seems to be well informed. You need to allow him to be your partner. He cant blame you if things go wrong. He’s been living with you all this time and if he’s already onPrEP he knows the risks and besides he’s the one who said you cant infect him. He seems like a brave soldier.

    No you’re not being paranoid. You just need help to cope….


    1. Thanks for your comment 🙏🏽 this helped 👍🏽


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s