Are you the kinda of man that isn’t exactly a “top” or a “bottom,” although if things go there, you’ll be find with it? Are you the kind of “versatile” man  that if you could get away with it, you’d spend most of the rest of my sex life just making out and cuddling?

Now I get that making out and cuddling would dim your future prospects with guys who leave your bed smiling on the outside and disappointed on the inside, but what do we do when the labels of “top” or a “bottom” leaves you feeling as if you’re just going to bottom, you’re nothing?

Despite attempts to track down a missing biological link (which inadvertently and incorrectly implies that anal sex – and by extension, topping and bottoming – are strictly gay things or even defining gay things), there’s no conclusive evidence that whether we consider ourselves “tops” or “bottoms” is not ultimately and literally a matter of sexual preference. Even if we were predisposed to enjoy one role over the other, the labels would not be indivisible from who we are the way race, gender, and sexual orientation are.

 Can we legitimately use them to victimize one group and demonize another in the same vein? What a lovely gay world it would be if we didn’t divide and limit ourselves by obsessing over labels in the first place. Think of all the potential Mr. Rights we wouldn’t miss out on just because they checked a certain box on Grindr.

Versatile should be the new black. That’s not just “versatile” as in flexible enough to flip in bed, but also flexible enough to transcend “type”-casting (“Bears” only! “Masc” only!), and especially flexible enough to have great sex without “Top or bottom?” being the crux of it.

There’s so much more to great sex, and anyone who thinks there isn’t hasn’t been doing it right.

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