We often walk out of a relationship angry and disappointed, and hurt, and even keeping a civil tongue with the ex seems like a mission impossible. One day we find someone else, fall in love, and start making plans for the future. But at some point, everything goes south. AGAIN. If this keeps happening in your life, maybe you should consider asking your ex, or exes, for a feedback report.
Why do it?
Let’s see… First of all, being clued up on what you did wrong last time (or the last five times!) will allow you to step into the new phase of your life fresh as a daisy. And with harmony, as your yoga instructor would say. The more brutally honest your ex is with you, the better. Self-awareness is hard to achieve, that’s why you need him – someone who knows you inside out (literally), but whom you are no longer intimate and emotionally connected with.
What if you two are not on good terms?
Before you approach your ex, you need to make some analysis of the current situation. If you broke up in (relatively) good circumstances, then you are clear to go. If, however, last time when you saw your ex, he was throwing cutlery at you, probably it won’t be such a great idea to call him for advice. But if you decide to bury the hatchet and approach him anyway, be prepared for some shit. Even with the cutlery lying safe in the cupboard this time, your ex will probably point at your flaws only. And it will sting your heart. But you’re a grown-ass man and you sure know that truth can hurt sometimes.
First, ask about the good stuff
Ask about the bad stuff
Find out what is in his mind that caused you’ll to broke up.
And the most important question…
You need to ask this one, no matter if he answers it objectively, or not.
Do you think I’m ready for a new relationship?
Most probably, he’ll answer, “I don’t care.” Or, “No, you’re not.” But after the conversation, you’ll know in your heart whether you’re ready or not, whether you’re still stuck to the toxic parts of your past, or you’re already a “fresh daisy” – emotionally healthy and full of energy to move on.
Whatever the feedback of your ex(es) will be, there’s one thing you must know: You need to get your shit together! But don’t do it just to please a future boyfriend, who, fingers crossed, will turn out to be more of a keeper than the last one! The most important relationship a person will ever have is the one with themselves, and this relationship is for life. And when life is over… well, brother, then, you won’t need any feedback anymore.