How do you know when you are settling with someone?
Maybe you don’t like that they are studying every night?
Maybe you don’t like that they are stressed about job applications?
Maybe you don’t like holding space for them to process their emotions regularly?
But you accept it. You accept them where they are in their journey. You acknowledge them.
You may ask for behaviour modifications, like:
“Hey, could we place the studying on pause tonight?”
“Hey, I see you are stressed but I also need some of your attention.”
“Hey, maybe a therapist would be better for this job than me.”
You admire and respect their qualities without thinking they need a complete upgrade.
The Biggest Difference: You are not trying to change your partner.
I say listen to your gut. If you feel anxious. If you feel insecure. If you feel unsure. Something is off. You don’t need to know more than that. If you feel calm, secure, and assured everywhere else in your life but lack that consistency of feeling when in relationship with this human, then they probably are not the human for you.
And do you really want your “person” to be the person who makes you feel so uneasy?
Honour that something doesn’t feel right. Honour your intuition. Your body is speaking to you.