People say that kissing is a far more intimate experience than sex itself. Only from a single first kiss, you can tell а lot about the person, whether they’ll be good in bed, and what to expect from a future relationship. Probably, you’ve already encountered quite a few different kissers and none of them were like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. They all had a different technique – some were awesome, others – a total disaster. For those who are still not very experienced in the art of kissing, here are the type of kissers you’ll come across in your lifetime.
It’s not his dick’s pet name. We call him “the Pecker” because when he nears your face with the obvious intention to kiss you, what you see in horror and disgust is that his mouth is taking the form of a butthole. The pecker kiss he gives you is more of an innocent mother-son kiss than a prelude to a hurricane in bed. You can tell the Pecker is inexperienced lover by his body language. If he doesn’t engage other body parts in the kiss, like touching your hand or leaning his torso towards yours, he is probably not only a bad kisser, but also a bad lover. But still, don’t give up on the boy. After all, nobody’s born knowing.
If you don’t like strangers groping you, this type of kisser is going to be another disappointment. He is not interested in what impression he’s going to make with the first kiss. He is just eager to slide a hand into your pants, put a tongue into your ear, and fuck you so hard you won’t be able to wаlk after that. Needles to say, the groper doesn’t care about corny stuff like romance and relationships. He is looking only for no-strings-attached sex.
THE NECK KISSER
If you think his intentions are purely platonic, you are mistaken. Kissing the neck of your partner is seen as a very erotic gesture. Adding a few neck kisses during a make-out session can add a lot of intensity to the experience. This type of kisser is an attentive and considerate lover. Probably, you are not going to end up living happily ever after, but good sex is guaranteed.
If his breath stinks of chili burrito, cigarettes, and rotting teeth, your partner is obviously not well acquainted with the basic rules of personal hygiene. The deadening breath can also be a sign that he doesn’t care about… Red flag! Red flag!… his sexual partners. If you are lucky, the Stinker may not be an oversensitive kind of person who hates being given negative feedback and will start using mouthwash for any kisses in the future.
THE HANNIBAL LECTOR
This type of kisser is a real cannibal, and he won’t let go of you until you can’t feel your face anymore. He’ll chew and suck on your lips until they start bleeding. This guy is most probably into BDSM, but his kinkiness doesn’t have to scare you. Judging by his kissing, you might think he is Marquise de Sade and Hannibal Lector in one, but he might as well have a tender soul of a zen buddhist.
Some people enjoy having their faces licked by pet dogs because they see it as a sign of happiness, gratitude, and devotion. But if you are not one of those people, kissing a guy who does the same can be a nauseating experience. If you chose to ignore the excessive wetness, you’ll realize that the Puppy is a faithful lover who never gets tired or bored of being around you. Satisfying all your whims and sexual needs is his priority.
THE FRENCH KISSER
You may imagine a romantic kiss on the background of Seine’s quays at sunset in early spring, but there is, in fact, nothing French about the French kisser. Yes, if the tongue is properly used, this type of kiss can be extremely arousing, but often it is accompanied by moans and groans, which makes this guy incredibly awkward to kiss with in public places.
THE NOTEBOOK KISSER
Ryan Gosling kissing Rachel McAdams on the official poster of the Notebook movie (2004) – that is what we call a professional kisser. You’ll know you’ve met your Ryan the second he kisses you. The perfect kisser delivers a kiss not only with his mouth but with all his body and soul. His kiss is explosive and is considered a PG-13 content, and yet, it’s decent because it doesn’t involve tongue. What it involves, though, is a promise of many more kisses, and sunsets, and lovemaking.
SOURCE: ANDREW CHRISTIAN