Lost in the hug of the beloved, the self, in a sense, dies. The sparkling flame of love in the heart, along with the intense pleasure of the sexual act, leave no space for the ego. When in love, the mind with its past and future, worries and concerns, dissolves. And that’s precisely what love is: the extinction of the self — that is, the disappearance of the boundaries between the I and you — the sense of belonging to a greater whole whose depths we can’t fathom. When this happens, we shine our brightest and feel at home with existence. Nothing is lacking — we feel complete and are not needy of anything. Desires and expectations stop torturing the mind and we accept life as it is.
As long as there’s no love between partners, sex cannot be anything more than an egoistic act. Partners will be trying to control and exploit one another — to turn one another into their sexual objects solely for their personal gratification. Unconsciously, all they want to get out of sex is love, but love cannot be forced or demanded. Mistaking sex for love and wanting to quench their thirst for loving connection through it, they become obsessed with having more and more sex, not realizing that they are trying to drink from an empty well.