Ah, the summer! It feels like crispy sea salt on your tanned skin, smells like sunscreen, and tastes like vanilla gelato. Add a pinch of corny romance by the pool, and you’ll get the perfect recipe for a perfect summer vacation.
Let’s say, you’ve got a water basin of some sort nearby, your body is amply smeared with sunscreen, and the icebox is stocked with gelato and Aperol. The only thing that’s missing from the picture of total bliss is a sexy body to rub against. Not that there is little fish in the sea, metaphorically speaking, it’s just you’re not equipped with proper techniques and phrases that could guarantee a successful hookup. No worries – I am here to offer a helping hand.
I know, I know, you haven’t spent 500 hours at the gym the last three months to play it shy and average in swimming trunks. But if you really want to hint interest to the guy you’ve been ogling for a couple of hours you need to lie low. Well, not entirely. After all, you’re not a criminal who has to hide in a barn after cutting the throats of a whole farmer family. Just try to look good, but not too good! If you feel confident enough to head out in nothing but your tiny AC swimsuit, own your sexual power. But if you want to make even a more spectacular entry, wear a polo shirt and a pair of shorts. Let the object of your desire wriggle in arduous guesswork what’s beneath this boring, Daddy-likes-golfing outfit. Leaving something to the imagination has been always more effective than showing it all.
DON’T BE THE LOBSTER EVERYBODY’S FEELING SORRY FOR
Remember the sunscreen from the first paragraph? Yes, it’s an essential item in your courtship tactics. If you’re not of a certain ethnic background that provides you with a natural suntanned look, do not forget to protect your pale skin against the treacherous UV sun rays. The lobster look might get you glances, yes, but only from concerned moms and aunties. And zero phone numbers from the sizzling guys by the pool.
BRING A FRIEND…OR A DOG
You must have noticed that some girls will go for a dick hunt usually accompanied by their less attractive girlfriend. Do you know why they chose such an approach? Having a wingman is always useful! You can avoid a potentially embarrassing situation by making your buddy understand beforehand what you’re up to. In case you don’t have a collaborative male friend at hand, you can use a dog. It is for a fact that dogs are great for meeting tender-hearted guys with well-ribbed bodies. Seeing you leisure walking cute Milo along thе beach shore will make them want to come up and meet the dog. And you, being its human extension.
DON’T ACT LIKE A PERV
Sunbathing boys are more approachable than those who’re engaged in other activities, like playing beach volleyball or talking to their friends. That’s why it’s a good idea to bring props – balls, frisbees, beers, weed… All these are perfect excuses for starting a conversation. You can also approach someone by asking them to take a picture of you while surfing (cool!). In case you don’t surf, you may ask them to rub lotion on your back. Just do it in a nonchalant way – act like you ask random people to apply sunscreen on your body all the time. Few guys would be willing to hang out with a Norman Bates…
DON’T GO FOR A HOOKUP IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP
This piece of advice should have come earlier, but I didn’t want to mar your enthusiasm.
It’s highly improbable that you’ll find the man you’re going to get old with at the beach. Yet, if that’s what you want, who am I to stop you from at least trying?
If I have to wrap up, I’ll say this: Seducing gay guys at the beach is much easier than elsewhere: you just need some props… and me as a counselor.
SOURCE: ANDREW CHRISTIAN