VIRGINITY & THE GAY COMMUNITY…

The entire concept of virginity wasn’t made for us. And yet many in the gay community have simply adopted the term to be referred to anal intercourse instead – even though vaginal intercourse occurs in our community too! Some believe that you have to be both passive and active in intercourse to lose your virginity,…

WHEN THE TOP/BOTTOM DEBATE MOVES BEYOND PHYSICAL TRAITS…

Hey, there are plenty of folks out there who don’t like bottoming and even some who don’t like to top. Why? Because gay sex is only legible to straight people in terms of the heterosexual matrix, and if someone’s son is fucking a dude/is a top, well then that’s way preferable than if he was…

TOP/BOTTOM: ¿WHY ARE PEOPLE SO CONCERNED?

Every single gay male has heard the following naive question: which one of you is “the woman” and which is “the man”? It’s a question only posed by straight people who are absolutely flummoxed about the nature of gay sex. Flummoxed! Of course the proper retort is, “We’re both men!” That’s the whole point of…

¿WHY DO MANY GAY MEN DISLIKE SEEING A BLACK MAN “BOTTOMING” IN PORN?

Ever notice how hard it is to find blacks bottoming for whites in interracial porn? With few exceptions, porn studios seem to think there is only one acceptable way to show interracial sex: The hyperaggressive African-American top and the submissive white bottom. Is gay porn racist? Or is it a benign form of stereotyping? Like…

¿HOW MANY MEN DOES IT?

For as long as I can remember, scholars, poets and philosophers have grappled with the same pressing question: As a “straight” guy that’s ‘gay for pay’ or bisexual, how many guys do you have to fuck before you’re officially gay? Of course we could start throwing out numbers, but they would prove nothing. Trying to…

HYPER-MASCULINITY & THE GAY COMMUNITY

In our society, one of the first stages of learnt hyper-masculinity is the propagation of feminine men as objects, things that exist to please a masculine man’s gaze, ego and his penis. Do you think that both ‘masculine and feminine’ men realize that from boys to young men, we’re taught and soon adopt the notion that the…

¿ARE MODERN BLACK GAY MEN OBSESSED WITH SEEMING STRAIGHT?

  How many times have you seen the words “No Fems” on a guy’s profile and wondered if that applied to you? And how many times have you tried downplaying your “gayness” even when in the company of other gay men? For a lot of the modern gay black men, a big part of being…

THE “GAYDAR” MYTH…

Kids are often told that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Even so, people often believe they can rely on their gut to intuit things about other people. Stereotypes often influence these impressions, whether it’s that a black man is dangerous, a woman won’t be a good leader or a fashionable man is…

WHY FINDING THE GAY GENE IS A BIG PROBLEM

Homosexuality has existed in societies across the globe for as long as we can go back in time. The Greeks, Romans, indigenous tribes, Europeans, and even early Americans had a level of fluid sexuality that permeated throughout their cultures, and that existed on a spectrum that most weren’t fixated on the way too many people…

HUMANITY OR SEXUALITY: ¿WHICH ONE COMES FIRST?

Many of us have lived our lives through various identities. Pretending to be hetero, for instance, out of safety concerns while trying to figure out who we are and overcome our own internalized homophobia.  As time progressed, we learned that much of the discourse received from other hetero males growing up wasn’t by choice as much…