GAY MEN 👨‍❤️‍👨 & SEXUAL 🍆 ROLES 🍑

I never really understood the term “the birds and the bees.” Apparently, it’s some important conversation mommy and daddy are supposed to have with you when they sit you down and explain to you the repercussions of having sex. Well, I’ve been having sex for quite some time now, and by the grace of God…

BISEXUALITY DAY

Today is Celebrate Bisexuality Day, a day that had its origins 30 years ago in 1990 when people met in San Francisco to discuss how people who are bisexual are often left out of discussions and celebrations about sexuality. More than 450 people attended from 20 U.S. states and 5 other countries, and the mayor…

WE SHOULD WORRY MORE ABOUT OUR MATURITY THAN OUR ‘MASCULINITY’

I don’t tend to expect enlightenment from gay hook-up apps, but I was struck by the words I read recently on one man’s profile. I was taught that a real man is someone who makes others feel comfortable in their presence. What an admirable quality to aim for: to make others feel comfortable and at ease…

SEXUAL OBJECTIFICATION OF BLACK MEN, FROM MAPPLETHORPE TO CALVIN KLEIN

In our current moment there has been considerable debate around what is frequently referred to as “sexual racism,” a term that reacts to the romantic and erotic rejection of men of color by white gay men. These discussions describe, often in detail, the various forms of emotional injury in the digital realm of dating and…

SEX IS AWESOME BUT…

Sex is awesome, however you like it. It’s always a good thing amongst consenting adults, (and whatever appropriately-sized objects we wish to include). I do think though, that sex can be complicated for gay men. We hid our desires from a sometimes judgemental and cruel world as teenagers. We feared rejection and torment for our…

SEXUAL LIBERATION…

We are lucky bastards. We’ve got it all. We fought through centuries of sex in the shadows, criminalisation, the blackmailing years. Many of us have avoided the fates of countless other anonymous victims of societal homophobia. Lest we forget. Sexual liberation was fought @ Stonewall, and beyond, and we’ve expressed it proudly in our leather…

VIRGINITY & THE GAY COMMUNITY…

The entire concept of virginity wasn’t made for us. And yet many in the gay community have simply adopted the term to be referred to anal intercourse instead – even though vaginal intercourse occurs in our community too! Some believe that you have to be both passive and active in intercourse to lose your virginity,…

WHEN THE TOP/BOTTOM DEBATE MOVES BEYOND PHYSICAL TRAITS…

Hey, there are plenty of folks out there who don’t like bottoming and even some who don’t like to top. Why? Because gay sex is only legible to straight people in terms of the heterosexual matrix, and if someone’s son is fucking a dude/is a top, well then that’s way preferable than if he was…

TOP/BOTTOM: ¿WHY ARE PEOPLE SO CONCERNED?

Every single gay male has heard the following naive question: which one of you is “the woman” and which is “the man”? It’s a question only posed by straight people who are absolutely flummoxed about the nature of gay sex. Flummoxed! Of course the proper retort is, “We’re both men!” That’s the whole point of…

¿WHY DO MANY GAY MEN DISLIKE SEEING A BLACK MAN “BOTTOMING” IN PORN?

Ever notice how hard it is to find blacks bottoming for whites in interracial porn? With few exceptions, porn studios seem to think there is only one acceptable way to show interracial sex: The hyperaggressive African-American top and the submissive white bottom. Is gay porn racist? Or is it a benign form of stereotyping? Like…